Posted by: Kathy | May 27, 2009

We Couldn’t Save Her

There was no one who wanted to beat cancer more than my mom. She was so determined to win against this horrible disease. My mom looked to the future with hope and she was a fighter. My mom knew that this disease could kill, but I know she only focused on living.

For 9 months, my mom did so well. You’d never know how sick she was by just looking at her. I remember sitting in the doctor’s office with my parents, talking about treatments, because it seemed that my mom’s chemotherapy wasn’t working as well as it had been based on what her bloodwork showed. The doctor told my mom that if she wanted to stop treatment she could. I felt so angry when he said that because we weren’t ready to give up and my mom wanted to continue to fight.

But from dealing with so many oncology patients, the doctor must have known something. Less than 2 months after that appointment my mom was gone. I would have given anything to free my mom of the cancer. When my mom started to fail, started losing her fight against the cancer, she went down hill so quickly. And then there seemed to be so little time left.

In the first few months after her death, I often asked myself “how did the doctor know?” I kept wondering if there was something we could have done differently to save my mom. Did something happen, something we did or didn’t do, that made her give up hope and stopping fighting? Or was it just the cancer finally taking control and it just became too much for my mom to fight against?

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