Posted by: Kathy | July 10, 2009

Doesn’t Matter Who, Saying Goodbye Is Hard to Do

I was talking with a friend earlier in the week. She lost her grandfather a short time ago and understandably is still upset and grieving. As we were talking, she said that her grandfather’s death couldn’t begin to compare with the loss of my mother and what I’m going through. But I told her that a loss is a loss, no matter who the person was. What’s important is the fact that they were once a part of your life, and now that person is gone.

This type of discussion has come up in my life before. One night my dad and I were talking about how much we missed my mom. I told him that it means so much more for him because he lost his wife, his partner of more than 45 years. But he told me that my mom’s loss affects both of us equally; we just miss her in different ways.

Right now I’m sad because I had to put my cat to sleep. And some people may think “why is she upset, it’s only a cat”. But in this house, our pets are like family and they are special to us. No matter how sick a pet is or how right the decision is, putting a pet to sleep is such a hard thing to do. I stayed with my cat while the vet injected him first with a sedative, and then with the drug that stopped his heart. I was crying and I kept telling him over and over again that I was sorry. Even though I knew I was taking away his suffering and pain, ending his life felt awful.

There are definitely different “levels” and types of grieving, depending on who you lost and what they meant to you. And I guess that’s what it really comes down to. It’s not a matter of who, it’s more like what and how. What did they mean to you? What impact did they have on your life? How do you feel now that they’re gone?

There’s no right or wrong way to feel when a loss occurs in your life. If you’re saying goodbye to someone special, it’s most definitely a hard thing to do.

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