Posted by: Kathy | August 11, 2009

I’m the One Who Worries Now

When I was younger and even as an adult, I thought my mom worried a lot. She hovered, nagged me to do things, and was “in my business” way too much, or so I thought at the time. Then I became a mother, and then my mother died. Slowly, I realized that she did all those things because of how much she loved me and because she only wanted the best for me.

When I was pregnant with my son, a friend told me that there is no greater love than the love you have for a child. She was right. The depth to which I love my children cannot be explained in words. I love each of them equally, but in different ways. I know my son, who recently turned 10, thinks that I worry, hover, nag, and get into his business way too much, although he won’t admit it. And I do worry, more than I want to, and I know I push my son to do things and will probably do the same with my daughter as she gets older. But it’s for no other reason than the fact that I love them deeply and only want what’s best for them.

When you get to a certain age as an adult, you not only worry about your kids, but you start worrying about your parents too. I didn’t really worry about my parents until my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Then I worried a lot – worried about how she was feeling, worried if the cancer was spreading, worried about how much time she had left with us, worried about how her death would affect my dad and the kids. I worried about things that I really had no control over, but I couldn’t help it. I loved my mom so much and didn’t want to lose her, but I didn’t know how to save her either, which left me with a feeling of complete helplessness at times.

My mom is gone now, and I still worry about my dad. Our relationship has changed a lot over the past year and a half, and we are closer than we’ve ever been before. I used to talk to my parents once a week, maybe twice, but after my mom was diagnosed with cancer, I called her every day, even if it was just to say hi. That “tradition” has continued with my dad. I think I have a greater fear now of losing him than I did before my mom died, and I’m sure this is natural. I don’t want to lose my dad for me, and even more so for the kids. They are so young, and I want my dad to be a part of their lives, share in their accomplishments and milestones. I will continue to worry, maybe more than I should. But my family – my husband, kids, and dad – are worth worrying about.

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