Posted by: Kathy | January 14, 2010

Reminders

My mom has been gone now for 424 days, yes I counted. For some reason it was important for me to know. I can’t even begin to tell you just how many times I’ve thought of my mom, spoken to her, or talked about her with family and friends since she died. It would be impossible to add up. But I know I’m not alone. A friend once told me that he thought of his dad in some way every day, and it had been almost 38 years since his dad’s death. I can relate to that, as my thoughts often drift to my mom or something reminds me of her.

About a month before my mom died, I made her the promise that I would keep her memory alive for my kids. My mom couldn’t wait to be a grandmother and she was very active in my son’s life. Unfortunately, she didn’t get a lot of time with my daughter, and pancreatic cancer took my mom from us before Nikki really got to know her grandmother. This is something that angers me, but there is nothing I can do but keep the promise I made to my mom. With my daughter, I talk to her about my mom – sometimes she’ll ask me to tell her a “Grandmom Angel story” and I’ll search my mind for a good memory and make it into a story. My daughter is very attached to the Raggedy Ann doll she got for her third birthday. She knows my mom got the doll for her, even though she couldn’t give it to Nikki. This morning, my daughter told me that she had to give Raggedy Ann a hug so she could hug Grandmom Angel. I talk with my son about times he spent with my mom, things they did together, special memories. I know Matt misses his grandmother and spending time with her.

For me, it seems that lately little memories just pop into my mind of times I spent with my mom. The other day I played a new Monopoly game with my son. A little while later I started thinking about all of the board games I used to play with my parents. I wish I had more memories of my childhood, and maybe with time more will come back to me. But I am now starting to remember the good times, instead of just focusing on the loss.

My mom made an important impact on my life in many ways. But her death had an even greater impact, a deeper one. Keeping my mom’s memory alive, through thoughts, stories, written words, or just little reminders, is important to me. I come back to a favorite quote by Thomas Campbell: “To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die”. In this way, my mom is very much alive.

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Responses

  1. I was looking through google’s blog search for blogs that relate to my situation and your blog popped up. I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I too have lost my mother. She passed on Thanksgiving and it’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. Your quote, “To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die,” touches me very much because that is what has kept me going. I didn’t know the quote, but it has been my philosophy. I too think of her daily. Almost two months and it feels like eternity. You will be in my prayers, and may God give you strength through out your life to forever endure in your mother’s honour.


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