Posted by: Kathy | February 22, 2010

My Mom’s Presence

I  haven’t blogged in over 2 weeks. Sometimes it seems that the days pass by very quickly with my responsibilities at work and home. But no matter how quickly each day passes, my mom is never far from my thoughts.

My mom’s presence is always with me. Pictures of her hang on my walls and are on my desk and nightstand. I say good morning or hello to my mom during the day and often run my finger over her picture before I turn off the light at night. I wish she were here to say good night to in person or over the phone, like I do every night with my dad. I hope that she can hear me or at least know I’m thinking of her.

Things have gotten easier. I’m learning to live without my mom. I really had no choice but to deal with my mom’s death and move forward. She wouldn’t want anything less for me. There are still days when I really miss my mom and it just seems to hit me out of the blue. Last Friday, I was responding to an e-mail from a colleague who just started with my company. I was writing about my therapeutic experience and added that I had a personal interest in pancreatic cancer. As I was writing this, tears came to my eyes and I had to stop for a minute. I didn’t explain why I had a personal interest in pancreatic cancer. But every time I think of pancreatic cancer I remember what this disease did to my mom and how it took her away from me.

Recently, I went back into my past. It was something I needed to do to heal from a failed relationship. It also helped me to realize that I’m content with my life. Yes, there are things I’d like to change, but for the most part my life is where I want it to be. I’m surrounded by people I love and people who love me – my husband, two beautiful kids, and my dad. I wish I could have written “my mom and dad” but my mom is with me, in my heart and in my mind. And her presence surrounds me always.

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Responses

  1. I understand those little stabs of pain when you think of your mom. A door has closed on your life.
    This brought tears to my eyes.

  2. My brother passed away Today March 10, 2010, from Pancreatic cancer. He was diagnosed in the end of Jan 2010. It was difficult to see the immediate decline. The discomfort was incredible, nobody should have to go through this. Not sure what the answer is. I have an extreme appreciation for these patients.


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