Posted by: Kathy | November 2, 2010

Surrounded By My Mom

While I was at my parents’ house on Sunday, I went through my mom’s closet again. There were some clothes that I wanted to wear before but had left because I couldn’t fit into them before now. It still feels weird for me to take my mom’s clothes, and there are still a bunch of clothes in her closet, but I am happy to be able to wear them, whether it’s a nice outfit or a sweatshirt.

Today I am wearing one of the sweatshirts I took on Sunday. When I opened the shirt to put it on this morning, I was surrounded by the familiar scent that is my mom. I don’t know what it is – her closet smells a certain way and that scent reminds me of my mom. As I’ve written before, sometimes I just stand in front of my mom’s open closet and think of her, remember her.

Although I put this shirt on more than 6 hours ago, I can still smell that scent on the sweatshirt. I move to grab a folder next to me and the scent fills the air for a brief moment. Wearing this sweatshirt is like being surrounded by my mom and it’s kind of nice. I know that once I wash this shirt, the scent will go away and be replaced by the smell of the laundry detergent we use. And the thing is that the smell I associate with my mom is not a detergent, it’s something that’s in her closet.

We celebrated Halloween two days ago and I was sadly reminded of the last Halloween we celebrated with my mom 2 years ago. The last picture we have of my mom is from Halloween 2008. For the next few weeks, until the anniversary of my mom’s death passes, I will be taken back into the past over and over again, reminded of those last days we spent together.

I would give anything to be able to see my mom one more time, to speak with her, and tell her how much I love her. I miss her. So for right now, it’s nice to feel like I’m surrounded by her.

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