Posted by: Kathy | November 23, 2010

As Thanksgiving Nears

Thanksgiving was the first holiday we celebrated without my mom. I have to tell you that the first Thanksgiving without my mom was truly awful. A week after my mom’s funeral we were attempting to celebrate a holiday my mom always made special. Instead of being thankful for what I had, all I could think of was the loss our family had suffered. My mom made holidays magical in a way and for me they would never be the same again.

With the anniversary of my mom’s death just last week, and then a holiday without her so near, I find myself dealing with the familiar feelings of sadness and loss. No one can really understand this, for it is my pain, and everyone deals with loss, anniversaries, and holidays without loved ones differently. My husband tells me that no matter what I am feeling, I need to be positive for the kids. Both my kids are very perceptive and pick up easily on my feelings. So what I am feeling may affect their experiences and color their holidays with either happiness or sadness.

I would never want my son or daughter to have a negative holiday because of what I am feeling. I know that a parent can deeply impact their children’s lives and shape their viewpoints. My son, Matthew, and my daughter, Nicole, are what I am most thankful for in my life. They have brought happiness and laughter to my days, and their presence has filled my heart with a special type of love that I believe is only felt for a child.

The holidays will never be the same for me. The person who made them special for me is gone. But as Thanksgiving nears, and these days can be tough, I will not let my kids see my unhappiness or my pain. I will make their Thanksgiving as special as I can. My kids are a gift and they are what I am most thankful for.

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Responses

  1. hmmm don’t know how exactly I got to your blog… but, grateful…. Lost my Dad 64 on October 7th of this year… he died a week from diagnosis…

    Such a strange feeling to lose a parent… so hard sometimes to balance the celebration of their life when at times you can’t help but to be angry….

    I thought I was alone………………..

    Thank you for posting your innermost thoughts ❤ jen


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