Posted by: Kathy | December 22, 2010

So Many Pictures

The first Christmas after my mom died from pancreatic cancer, I created a calendar for my dad filled with pictures from the last year of my mom’s life. It was a tribute to her and my way of keeping my Mom’s memory alive. Pancreatic cancer took my mom’s life so quickly, leaving her a shell of who she once was, and I wanted her to be remembered as the special person she was to all of us. Last year my dad asked me to make him another calendar, choosing a blog entry for each of the 12 months. The calendar became a new tradition in a way, as a Christmas gift for my dad.

In March of this year I came up with an idea for the next “Mom” calendar. I told myself that I’d start working on it early, as I tend to get wrapped up in life and work and time just slips by. Of course I didn’t get the calendar started early and then I became a little hesitant about making another calendar. Time moves on. People heal and move forward with their lives. About 3 months ago my dad told me that he was dating someone and he really cared about her. Although I still deeply miss my mom, I was happy for him because I don’t want my dad to be alone and neither would my mom. Out of respect for my dad’s girlfriend, I wasn’t sure if another “Mom” calendar would be a good thing. But I was assured that it was fine and this calendar is memories of our family and the years my parents shared together.

I have all the pictures from my dad’s house, with photographs of my mom from when she was a senior in high school to a few weeks before she died. As I began sorting through the pictures today, so many thoughts ran through my mind. First, as a young woman, my mom was a classic beauty and a true lady. I was taken back to many good times in the past. I could see in these pictures the love my mom had for every member of her family. In all of the pictures she was so vibrant. My mom made the most of her life and truly cherished what she had. She was happy and so alive. As I looked at the pictures it was hard to believe that this person was gone.

The pictures filled my heart with both happiness and sadness. As always, there was a feeling of deep loss. I’ve picked all the pictures for this year’s calendar. I just need to pull everything together. I hope my dad likes his gift.

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