Posted by: Kathy | January 1, 2011

Happy 2011

Happy New Year! I realize that 2010 may not have been easy for those who are reading this post, especially since my blog is about the loss of a parent. I hope in some way my words have brought some comfort or helped someone to realize that they are not alone. I understand the feeling of loss and the many emotions that surround the death of a parent. Losing a mom or dad or any loved one unexpectedly or “too soon” is life changing and painful. I wish everyone the best in the coming year and I hope the year 2011 is a good one filled with happiness, laughter, and love.

This is the third year I am starting without my mom. This is the third year when I didn’t hear her sweet voice say “Happy New Year” to me over the phone. Thinking about this brings tears to my eyes and I can feel the pain of her loss in my heart. It’s been a little over 2 years since my mom died, but I still miss as much as I did when she first died, maybe even more because now I realize all the things I lost when I lost my mom. One of the things I miss the most is hearing my mom’s voice and being able to talk to her. I miss her smiling face, the warmth of her smile, and the love that she showed to all those around her.

I enter 2011 a different person than I was this time last year. I have come to understand a lot more about myself because of who my mom was and what she taught me. It just took me awhile to get through the wall of grief and understand all that my mom taught me about life. A lot has changed in the past year, things that I’ve had to come to terms with and accept. I admit that there are times when things happen, something that may seem almost meaningless to someone else, and I break down in tears because I miss my mom or something reminds me of her.

I will always miss my mom and believe that she was taken from her family much too soon. Why she was taken from us at the time when it happened is something I will never understand. My mom was just beginning another phase of her life. I was too and I needed more time with her. But the timing of her death and the way my mom died is something I’ve learned not to question or think about too much because there are no answers. My mom loved me and she knew that I loved her. That is what was most important when she died. I guess for me what is most important now is that I continue to move forward, one step at a time, even if it is just a small step. I need to be a good mom to my children, as my mom was to me.

As I was ending this post, I took a moment and closed my eyes. I pictured my mom’s face and heard her words as if she were still here: “Happy New Year, Hon. I love you.”

Advertisements

Responses

  1. I lost my Mom a year ago today (Jan 2nd). She was diagnosed with lung cancer on November 19th and died 6 weeks and 2 days later. Her small town family doctor had for months been telling her that her increased pain was due to arthritis. She had been a nurse and considered him a friend and colleague… trusted him completely. The pain was because the cancer had by then spread to her bones. This disease ate her alive and she fought so hard, devastated that her opportunity for treatment to prolong her life had passed her by.

    I found your site during an evening of random googling, trying to find something that might help me cope with losing her. Your entries are so heartfelt and candid. I’ve felt many times that my own thoughts and feelings are echoed on this site.

    Thank you for opening your heart to us, who need to know that someone else out there truly understands what this loss feels like.

    My thoughts for you and your family.

    Sarah Proulx


Tell me what you're thinking:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: