Posted by: Kathy | February 11, 2011

I Just Want to Help

My heart is heavy today. I’ve felt this way since I learned that the mother of a colleague and friend has stage 3 cancer. My wish is for things to go smoothly and that this family will receive good news. My friend is a very private person when it comes to her personal life, and I’m grateful that she told me about her mom’s diagnosis. All I want to do is help her, but I’m not quite sure how. 

My heart aches for my friend, her mom, and her family. Having been through something similar not too long ago with my mom, I have an idea of what they are facing and maybe even what my friend is feeling right now. It’s a very difficult time – waiting for answers, trying to figure out what to do, and hoping that the treatment regimen will kill the cancer for good.

I’m taken back to when my mom was first diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and all that was going through my heart and mind during that time. I felt lost and clueless, scared and helpless. I was an emotional wreck, and once I got over the initial shock of the diagnosis, I couldn’t stop crying. Most of the time I cried alone in my home office or in bed at night. I didn’t want my kids to see my tears, my sadness, or my fear. I still remember the day I told my son about how bad my mom’s illness was and that his grandmom may die. He thought about it for a few seconds and then broke down into tears. He had a very close relationship with my mom, and I didn’t want his world to come crashing down if she died suddenly. I wanted my son to be somewhat prepared, even though he was only 8 years old at the time. It was different with my daughter, since was about a year and a half old when my mom was diagnosed and didn’t understand anything.

The 349 days my mom lived from the day she diagnosed until the day she died, were some of the most difficult days of my life. I got through it with the support of my husband and father, and also a few close friends.

I’ve sent my friend a few e-mails, asking how her mom is doing, offering my support, and letting her know that she and her mom are in my prayers. But it doesn’t seem like it’s enough. I want to do more. I wish I could do more. But I don’t want to pry into her personal life or make things more stressful.

So for now, I will respect her privacy, but will continue to send e-mails of support and I will keep praying for my friend and her mom.



  1. Kathy, you have your heart in the right place, just by having this blog, you are providing people with a great place to feel connected, supported and not alone in their grief. You are doing more than you know. best regards, Wendy (Foible Gal) aka frozen shoulder girl

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