Posted by: Kathy | March 19, 2011

My Mom: The Frame of My Life

Last night I was watching an episode of Army Wives from season 1. Toward the end of the show, one of the wives said “Once you become a mother, you stop being a picture and become a frame.” This statement really hit me, as a mom and because of the impact my mom made on my life.

It has been an exceptionally rough week for me. I feel down. I’ve been close to tears or started crying a number of times. I’m not sure why. I believe there are a number of contributing factors and things are stressful right now. When I feel like this my thoughts always turn to my mom and how much I miss her. But I feel like I really can’t talk to anyone about it, because at 2 years and 4 months since my mom died, most people have expected me to have moved past the grief. Others have moved forward. I have too, but I have my down times. Then last night, I heard those words on a TV show and immediately thought of my kids and what kind of impact I’m having on their lives. I also thought of my mom and the impact she had on me, the deepness of which I realize more and more.

My mom was the frame for my life. Her love surrounded me like a frame surrounds a picture. She helped to shape who I became as an adult, and she was a mother who was always there for me, a mother who offered me advice and help, and a mother who only wanted the best for me. Because of who she was, the way my mom lived her life, she also had a silent impact on me and made me a better person. My mom told me about the importance of children and how much they could add to your life. She was very active in her children’s lives, giving up her career as a chemist to raise my brother and I, and my mom was very involved in my kid’s lives as a devoted and loving grandmother. My mom was also a perfectionist, something that is not part of my personal life, but a definite part of my professional life.

My mom’s presence is missed by many. Without my mom as my frame, I feel lost at times. I become unraveled, like there is nothing holding me together. Before my mom died, I never realized the role she played in my life, the positive impact she had on me, and how much I looked to her for guidance. My one wish is to be able to talk to my mom once more. There’s a lot I want to tell her, but one of the most important things would be “thank you for helping me to become the person I am.” Love you, Mom.


  1. There is not much one could say about your situation. Losing your mother is tough, it’s natural for you to still miss her. I’ve learned about pancreatic cancer from a friend. Her father was diagnosed last year on his 59th birthday and has lost a great deal of weight. Seeing what she is going through inspired me to try to do something about it. A group of friends and I have started a group in Philadelphia to raise money to donate to the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network and raise awareness. The more people who know about this the more lives can be saved!.

    I had another friend who lost her mother and she could never understand how people can tell her to “get over it” or “move on”. I’m not sure if that is even possible. You can learn how to live without her by remembering her. Its OK to keep her in your heart. Continue to write about how you feel and try to focus on all the good she’s done and not on your personal loss. You can honor you mother by spreading the word about this cancer. This will help you “live” with your mother but in a different way. Though you are not with her physically, she will be with you in your heart. I hope you feel better.

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