Posted by: Kathy | April 28, 2011

Just Around the Corner

Pancreatic cancer stole my mom from me almost two and a half years ago. It’s almost like a case of a missing person. Her physical presence is missing from many lives, and she is truly missed. My mom didn’t leave voluntarily. She was taken from us by something that overpowered her and that she had no control over. Pancreatic cancer attacked her body and she fought hard against it. My mom was determined to win her fight, but in the end her attacker was just too powerful. I guess because I knew my mom didn’t want to leave us, there are days when I expect to walk into my parents’ house and see her, to turn the corner and there she is, full of life, happiness, and love.

I can close my eyes and picture my mom sitting in the end seat of the kitchen table, wearing her light blue sweat suit, a cup of tea in front of her, the NY Times crossword puzzle off to one side, with a pen sitting on top of the paper. My parents always did the NY Times crossword puzzle in pen and usually get most, if not all, of the answers. It always amazed me because I would pick up the paper, look over the puzzle and maybe, just maybe, know one or two answers. But my parents always did it in pen and it was something they worked on together.

I can see my mom in that house, even though she hasn’t been there for over 2 years. Her little touches remain here and there. The pottery she made sits on a shelf in the family room, along with souvenirs my parents picked up while on vacation. Of course, there are things that are different now. Some rooms have been redone, things moved around, and the feeling in the house is different without my mom. But then there are times when it seems like nothing has changed and my mom is just around the corner.

I so wish I could turn the corner and see my mom. I long to talk with her or pick up the phone and hear her voice on the other end, calling to remind me of something or suggest an outing for us to do as a family. That was one of the things my mom did best – she would always find little things for us to do as a family. We did many things together, like the corn maze, which was a yearly family outing from the time Matt was a toddler. Even when my mom was in pain from cancer, she still did the corn maze with us, wandering through the high stalks as we looked for the mailboxes that contained the pieces to put on the map.

This post has been a journey into the past for me, a good journey as I remembered little things about my mom that made her who she was. These memories will stay with me and are ones that my son remembers and I will share with my daughter. My mom’s spirit sounds me. Her love fills my heart, and I have some great memories of the years we were all together as family. So I guess my mom could be just around the corner, as there are so many things that can spark a memory of her.

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