Posted by: Kathy | August 18, 2011

You’re Never Far From Our Hearts

Dear Mom:

I couldn’t sleep the other night, and my thoughts turned to you. Odd that it was the 16th, an “anniversary” of sorts, as it had been exactly 2 years and 9 months since you died. My thoughts still remain with you, as I miss talking to you about all the things in my life. I miss hearing you laugh, the sound of your voice in casual conversation, and even hearing you sigh as I admit that once again I have forgotten to do something. So much has changed, yet there are things that stay the same, and just how to deal with all of this eludes me. I just keep trying. It’s all I can say, “I’m trying.”

You were the glue that held this family together. In a way, you kept us all “in check.” But now that you’re gone I feel so lost at times and have no idea what’s going on. You did so much for our family and we all depended on you. We looked to you for guidance, as you brought us together for family outings and made every holiday so special with your touch of love and caring. I realized all that you did once you were gone, and there is no one who can take your place. I still struggle with questions I don’t have answers to.

I’ve come a long way in my healing. I think you’d be proud of me. But there are times when it still really hurts and I so wish you were here and that life was the way it should be, at least the way I want it to be. Life will never be the same now that you’re gone. Your presence was one of a kind and something that cannot just be replaced. I lost a mother, my kids lost their grandmother, and we all miss you deeply.

You taught me the gift of love and how to appreciate what I have. For that, I am grateful. I have a loving husband who has stood by me through all of this. I have two beautiful kids, who are the light and joy of my life. I pale in comparison to you as a mother, but I do ok, and my kids know that they are loved.

As I keep working on myself, trying to move forward, to heal, to accept reality, you are with me. You raised me with love and devotion and gave that same love and devotion to your grandkids. I wish you could see them now. They deserve to have you in their lives, and I know they both wish you were still here with us.

Your love is in my heart and your words are in my mind as I keep moving forward with my life and with my family. If you can read my words, please know that you will never be forgotten. I will keep your memory alive for the kids and for myself. I will always miss you.

Love, Kathryn

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Responses

  1. Thank you Kathy. Its now been 8 weeks since my dad has passed, but somehow it feels like he’s been gone for ages. You posts help me think and to realize that I’m not alone. I have started to write in a diary of sort, for my dad. It’s been a while and I sort of feel that I need to write again, if only to feel close to him. Your letter just made me realize that it is necessary to write again. And I am sure your mom can read it. I like to think my dad is standing next to me while I write and reading as I go along.

    • You are never alone. Others who have lost a parent understand what you are going through. I am here for you. I’m glad you’ve started a diary. I think it’s a good thing. Keep writing. Write what is in your heart. Write the truth, no matter what it is. It will keep your dad’s memory alive and also help you to heal. Writing is what saved me and has helped me to heal. Writing keeps me moving forward, as I work on my book and keep writing my blog.

      I hope you find peace in your writing, as I have found in mine. My thoughts have been written with many tears, but once I have written them down, I feel better. It’s a good thing.

      Take care,

      Kathy

  2. Kathy, you always touch my heart with your words and descriptions of what you are going through. Your site has become a place of comfort for me. It will soon be the 1 year mark of my mom’s passing Sept. 16 and I feel like I have been standing still as time has moved passed me. I keep reliving what happened each day…I know you know how I feel because every time I read your posts I keep nodding understanding how you feel. you are my comfort…thank you for your writings. best, wendy

    • Thanks Wendy. I will remember your mom on Sept 16th and release a balloon in her honor. My mom’s birthday is Sept 17th, so I will be releasing balloons for her as well the next day. I understand what you mean, as I relived the day my mom died, the night before her death, the final weeks of her fight against pancreatic cancer, for over 2 years. These thoughts were with me every day and kept me standing still in unbearable pain, grief, and guilt. Slowly, I am moving forward, healing. I wish the same for you and I am here for you if you need me. We understand each other. I wish you comfort and peace.

      Take care,

      Kathy


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