Posted by: Kathy | October 24, 2011

Curveballs of Life

Life has a way of throwing us curveballs. Those “screw you” moments where you receive unexpected and potentially devastating news that leaves you standing there amid the aftermath of emotional disaster, uncertain of what the future holds. I’ve experienced a handful of these moments in the past and present, and I’m sure there are more to come in the future.

For me, the biggest of these moments came when I heard my mom had been diagnosed with unresectable pancreatic cancer, and then when I realized she was going to die. Three years ago yesterday, my mom essentially came home to die, after spending over a week in the hospital. The weeks that followed were incredibly painful for all of us, especially my mom. I thought that this year would be different. I didn’t think I would be re-living the past as painfully as I am. But life has a way of tossing the unexpected our way, dropping painful news into our laps, or just plain broadsiding us like a slap in the face, and in the process bringing even more painful memories to the surface once again.

My mom has been gone from almost 3 years now and life continues to move forward. It has to and I completely accept that. It saddens me to think about what my mom has missed over these past few years. My daughter, who was just a toddler when my mom died, just started kindergarten. My son, who had just received his probationary black belt, is now a second degree black belt in TaeKwonDo and entering the teenage years. Then there are just the little things that we always did together, like going to the zoo every spring and the corn maze in the fall. Watching the kids grow up and spending time with them was something my mom was looking forward to.

For me, the pain of the past few days has made me curl back into myself. Family, church, work, it’s all I can handle. I don’t feel like socializing. I am very lucky to have the support and love of my husband and kids. I look to my husband for strength, and my kids can always make me laugh. They are my life and what they give to me is a blessing. As I near the 3 year anniversary of my mom’s death, I will pull them closer to me, surrounding myself with their love and the happiness they bring me, until the pain in my heart lessens again.

Advertisements

Responses

  1. A couple of weeks later…. I hope you feel better.

  2. Kathy, I’m thinking of you, and know this pain in time will lessen, and the good memories will only strengthened. It’s what I’m counting on. Thinking of you, hugs, wendy

  3. Kathy:

    I hope you will honor your grief and give yourself permission to check out a little from all life’s expectations. I am still staggered by heartache for my Mom. Her absence is everywhere and I long for her in my altered life of “after”. Anniversaries are difficult and haunting.

    I have loved reading about your Mom…you write about her in a way that makes me sad I didn’t know her.

    Take care,

    Angie (mermaidmusing)

  4. Thinking of you – the dips are never easy to endure and I know there are days when loss doesn’t seem to have lessened one iota..

  5. I’m SO sorry that this “screw you” curveball came your way, Kathy. Truly very undeserving!! You are a VERY strong woman and will overcome this upset in your life. I always pray for much peace & happiness in your life. I trust in God that this will work out in the end. Again, so sorry that you had to go through this. Love You My Friend! 😮


Tell me what you're thinking:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: