Posted by: Kathy | November 16, 2011

Three Years Without My Mom

Today is the 3 year anniversary of my mom’s death. I’ve learned a lot over the past 3 years and have grown in ways I couldn’t have imagined. I’ve learned that nothing in life is guaranteed, and even though I believe in God and prayed every night that my mom’s life would be saved, this did not happen. Not all prayers are answered. I know that I am not alone, as there are many people in the same position I am. The people I’ve met through my blog have become a sort of family, since we share experiences that others cannot relate to or completely understand. Probably one of the most important things I’ve learned over the past 3 years is that acceptance is the only way to move forward.

My mom was a wonderful person, although we didn’t always see eye to eye. She was particularly vocal if she felt I was making a mistake with my career decisions or the way I was raising my children. I realize now that she did this because she wanted the best for me and my family. I have many regrets, although I’ve learned to work past these and try not to let them pop up or stay for too long when they do. I hid a lot of who I really was from my mom because I didn’t want to disappoint her. I also didn’t talk to her about the things I wanted to before she died. These are my biggest regrets. But when my mom died, she knew how much she meant to me and how deeply I loved her, and that is what is most important.

Over the past 3 years, the anger and sadness from my mom’s illness and death have lessened. Although there are times when one of these emotions hits me full force. This is normal and will probably happen again and again. I need to be kind to myself and get through these times. I don’t think I will ever stop missing my mom, as there is no one who can take her place in my life and in my heart. She was one of a kind. A truly giving person with a big heart. My mom gave so much of herself to others, especially her family.

The quote “To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die” by Thomas Campbell is one of my favorites. But I believe there is more. My mom will always live on through me and through my kids. Memories of her will live in my mind, the sound of her voice in my thoughts. My mom’s love will live in my heart forever.

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Responses

  1. Its the memories that keep the love alive. It’s their legacy to us and us to our children.


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