Posted by: Kathy | May 11, 2012

My Mom, My Inspiration

There are many times I sit in front of my computer needing to write something for work or wanting to write a post for my blog and the words just don’t come, or at least in the way I’d like them to. No matter what I write, I am always telling a story. My writing for work needs to flow in such a way that it tells a specific story about a certain disease. My blog tells the story of my struggles with dealing with my mom’s illness and death, of missing her, of wanting her back again here with me, and of tears, pain, and ultimately healing.

I am always telling a story, but writing the story requires inspiration. My inspiration at work is usually a looming deadline, coworkers asking me when I will be done with something, or wanting to continue to further my career as a medical writer. But my inspiration for my personal writing is something different altogether, because this type of writing comes directly from my heart. I can’t force anything to do with my personal writing. I have to feel it to write. When I don’t feel something within my heart I can’t write personally. Unfortunately, many times these feelings come late at night when I close my eyes to sleep. All is quiet in the house, and in this quiet the personal writing side of my brain “turns on” and I can’t sleep until I write. Writing is the only way to “turn off” my thoughts and the feelings that come with these thoughts. It’s almost like I have to “unload” my brain and heart before I can sleep.

The inspiration for this blog is my mom. I close my eyes each night and think of her smiling face, remember her love, and sometimes words flow into my mind. Something may have happened during the day that reminds me of my mom or makes me miss her even more. This incident itself may be long gone from my mind, but thoughts of my mom are always there. These thoughts may lead to memories or remind me just how much I miss her. My heart fills with sadness or longing to see my mom again, and these feelings may lead to words that form a story. This story – a blog, poem, letter, or just notes in my journal – must be written down before sleep will come.

Thank you, Mom, for being my inspiration. I write because I love you and wish you were still here with me.

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Responses

  1. Like you, my blog started out to recall the journey and how I’d deal with life after. There’s no mother for me to talk to now, and I believe that this blogs helps relieve me from the pain…I write what I feel and everything else that’s bothering me. It’s a part of the process, I guess. Of letting go, moving on, yet remembering. It is hard now that she’s gone. But she’s been very influential in my life and most of what I do are inspired by her. * hugs and happy mother’s day from across the globe! *


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