Posted by: Kathy | November 11, 2012

Remembering

I thank my God upon every remembrance of you ~ Philippians 1:3

I am grateful for the memories I have of my mom and the times we spent together. As I near the 4 year anniversary of her death, the memories of our last year together as especially strong. I am grateful that I was given 349 days – the time my mom had from diagnosis until death – to spend with her. It was during that time that I made sure my mom knew how much I loved her. I called her every day, some days just to say hi. I tried to make the most of this time because I knew from the day my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer that it was the beginning of the end.

I didn’t want to lose my mom. I still had so much more I wanted to do with her. There were things I wanted to tell her, but never did. I lost my chance to do so. I will always miss my mom and love her. I will always remember her, holding those memories close to my heart, and sharing them with my kids.

Advertisements

Responses

  1. With heart-felt thoughts…thinking of you, Kathy. Anniversaries are tough.

    • Thank you, Bonnie. Yes, anniversaries are tough. I have a plan for this one. Take care.

  2. I have to believe, Kathy, that whether spoken or not, your mother was well-acquainted with how much you cared about her. And all those words you DID speak, spoke volumes.

    • Thank you. I can’t tell you how much that means to me. I have to believe my mom knew what was in my heart, even if I didn’t always say the words out loud. If it is true that actions speak louder than words then my mom knew how much she meant to me…and still does. Take care.

  3. Today was the anniversary of my mom’s death. It has been 23 years. She wanted me to pray for her healing, and I could not do so half-heartedly. I think in many ways that I didn’t make the most of those days. I had far fewer days. She also kept sending me back to grad school. I miss her. I look back on those intervening years, and I feel that so much in my life would be different if she had been here. I don’t know that I would have been more successful, but I suspect that I would have, in all areas of my life. I hope that I find a way to become the best person I can be, and become someone that my mom would be proud of. It’s a bit weird, because it’s also important that I am solidly my own person, not just some image I think she would have wanted. I wish you well on your journey ahead in life without your mom. Today is a day I am not articulate. I am just sad.

    • Hi Janice: I hope the anniversary of your mom’s death wasn’t too difficult. This evening I made a promise to a friend that I wouldn’t let the 4 year anniversary of my mom’s death hurt as much as the first one did. I’ve grown into my own person, one who is different than would be if my mom were still alive. I believe our experiences shape us and help us to grow. I know my mom visits and at first I was so afraid that I wasn’t who she wanted me to be. I hid so much of myself from her when she was alive. But I know she is proud of me. I believe your mom is proud of you too even if you didn’t do things the way you wanted or thought they should be done. You’re still healing and trying, and that is what is most important. I hope that you can keep moving forward and become who you want to be. Take care.

  4. I feel your pain. Today I went to church and the song director played older hymns that we used to sing when I was growing up. For just a moment I closed my eyes and could hear her singing in the pew beside me. I miss both my parents so much, but I know we are who we are because of our parents. I am glad you got to spend time with her and have memories to hold.

    • When my mom first died I felt most connected to her when I went to church. She started taking me to Sunday school and church when I was young. Whenever we sing the song “Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee” I think of my mom. I don’t know why. That song reminds me of her and peace fills my heart. Take care.


Tell me what you're thinking:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: