Posted by: Kathy | November 29, 2012

Daily Prompt: Audience of One

Today’s daily prompt from WordPress is entitled Audience of One. We are challenged to picture the one person in the world you really wish were reading your blog and write her or him a letter.

Dear Mom:

This blog is my tribute to you. Your death left a hole in my life that nothing could fill. I started writing through tears of grief, to release the pain and try to make sense of the many emotions that I could not control. Wave after wave they pounded on me and I was drowning in sadness and tears. I missed you so much. I felt so lost without you. Writing became my way of expressing my feelings and then remembering you.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you in some way. Sometimes the beauty of your face comes to mind or I remember something you said to me. I find myself thinking about things we did together, especially the holidays we celebrated as a family. When I am lucky, I see you in my dreams. Even though we talk, I can never remember what you said to me when I awake. Maybe one day I will. 

I hope you know that your memory is still very much alive in the hearts and minds of those who loved you most. I have not forgotten the promise I made to you and I keep your memory alive for your grandchildren. I tell them stories about times we spent together. They each have things you gave to them and I know they treasure these items. Nikki talks about you all the time, telling me how much she loves you, crying that she misses you. Matt doesn’t talk as much. He is more reserved with his feelings, but I know he misses you. As a family, we all wish you were still here with us. 

Even after 4 years, I still feel your loss. There are days when I cry for you. When I need to hear your voice, I listen to the message you left for me on the last birthday we shared together. At the end of that message you say two simple words that mean the world to me – “love you.”

One regret I have is that there are many things I wish we had talked about before you died. I did not realize the impact you made in my life until after you were gone. Please know how much I appreciate all that you did for me, my husband, and the kids. I hope you knew how much I loved you when you took your last breath. My biggest wish is that I could have one more conversation with you, face to face, and tell you all that is in my heart.

I miss you, Mom, every day. You were my one and only mom and the only person I will ever call mom. I wish you were still here with your family, but I know you are watching over us.

I love you, Mom, yesterday, today, tomorrow, forever. 

Kathryn    

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Responses

  1. I can’t say enough how fantastic an entry this is Kathy, truly beautiful.
    It’s a lovely, moving, letter of love to your mum and is exactly the letter I would write, brilliant.
    Thank you for posting this, I will be back again to re read it.
    xxx

    • Thank you. Every day I get the Daily Prompt, but rarely write about the topic. This one spoke to me, and I knew I had to write a letter to my mom. Shortly after my mom died, I poured my heart into a letter, attached it to a large cross balloon, and let it go. I hope my mom sees the words I write. Take care.

  2. “One regret I have is that there are many things I wish we had talked about before you died. – This strikes a hole in my heart because it’s exactly what I have always wished for as well 😦

    • For a long time I held onto that regret so hard that the guilt was tremendous. Over and over I have told my mom what I wished I had said to her when she was alive. Even though I can’t see her face, I know she’s heard me and I have learned to let go of most of that guilt. Hugs.

  3. What a beautiful tribute to your mom.
    My mom and I have started a new relationship recently after a 12 year estrangement. I’m grateful for the second chance.

    • Thank you Denise. I think it’s great that you and your mom have a relationship again. Second chances are a gift. I feel lucky that I got almost a year with my mom after she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I didn’t do or say all that I wanted to in the time we had, but the time we had together was precious. Take care.

  4. Heart-felt!

    • Thank you Bonnie!

  5. I came across your blog and read this post. I cried. I lost my dad when I was little, and I am so close to my mom. Always have been. I can’t imagine life without her. Bless you for keeping her spirit alive for your children. I’m sure she is with you always and continues to feel your love. 🙂

    • Hi Mia. Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I’m sorry you grew up without your dad but it’s nice that you and your mom are close. My mom was filled with so much life that it’s still hard to believe she is gone sometimes.I’ve shared this quote many times, but it’s my favorite – “To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die” by Thomas Campbell. My mom is always in my heart. Take care.

      • What a great quote!

      • Very touching.

  6. Just beautiful.

    • Thank you! 🙂


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