Posted by: Kathy | March 20, 2013

Weird Dream and Other Things

Yesterday morning I had an odd dream. In this dream, I was at the TaeKwonDo academy, but it did not look anything like our academy. I borrowed a very ornate black bo staff from the master TaeKwonDo instructor. He started telling me what to do, a form, but I could not hear him. I realized I was wearing ear plugs. I took them out and started trying to follow what my instructor was telling me to do. I stopped and there was a typewritten note in my hand. Pieces of the note were missing, blank spaces among the typed words, but I remember seeing the words “mom and dad” in this note. I do not remember what the note said, but it made me concerned. Then my alarm went off and I woke up.

I wear earplugs to bed because of the dogs, so that may be an explanation for the earplugs. I understand the TaeKwonDo part, in a way. On Friday and Saturday, my son, daughter, and I are competing in a national tournament, plus a kick-a-thon during which my son and I will have to do 1,000 kicks. I am nervous about competing in the tournament and concerned about how I will feel after doing all those kicks on Friday night. We are raising money for a great cause – SmileTrain, an organization that fixes cleft palates in children who cannot afford the corrective surgery. I also just started learning how to use weapons, and the first weapon I am working with is a bo staff. It has been difficult for me to learn, and I am not doing very well. But I really have no idea what the note in the dream means, and to me this is the most important part of the dream.

Right now, between work, TaeKwonDo practice, family responsibilities, and overall life, I am stressed to my limit. When I get this way, I miss my mom even more. I need her. I wish I could pick up the phone and talk to her. I want her advice. I want to hear her calming words of wisdom, letting me know how maybe I could make things better. I need her hear her words of support, saying to me that everything will be okay. I cannot tell you how much I want to hear my mom tell me that she loves me and believes in me. I wish my mom were still here with me.

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Responses

  1. Hi Kathy,
    Just wondered how you were?
    Hope life is treating you ok,
    love n hugs
    xxx

    • Hi. Sorry for the delay. I’m doing ok. Just been very busy with work and the kids and other things. I haven’t been able to blog or read blogs I follow. I’ve also started many posts, but haven’t been able to complete one yet. Hopefully soon. Hope all is well with you too. Thanks for checkin’ in. 🙂 Take care.

  2. In time, things will be okay, they just may not look like your previous definition of okay. You are an encouragement to many, Kathy, just seeing how engaged you are. Here’s a quote from a Memoir I’m reading titled Saturday Night Widows, by Becky Aikman: “When people have lost someone, they want to feel connected to other people … People want to share some kind of experience and adapt with each other.” You seem to be in the process of constant adapting – yay you!!!

    • Thanks for your comment. Yes, I do want to share a connection with others, and I am grateful I have found people through this blog who understand my loss. Adapting – a good word. I am adapting to life without my mom, and yes, you’re right, my previous definition of ok has changed dramatically. But I am getting used to life the way it is now, even if I wish things were different. Take care.


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