Posted by: Kathy | June 19, 2013

Days That Should Have Been

It has been over a month since I last posted. Honestly, I have started several posts but did not finish them. I couldn’t write what I wanted to and didn’t feel they were “worthy” of posting even if I had finished them. Since I lasted posted, I celebrated my fifth birthday without my mom, watched my son receive the gold Presidential Award for Outstanding Academic Excellence, attended my son’s last middle school band concert, taken my son to his first social, and participated in other things of daily life that I wish my mom had been here to see.

Matt at his 8th grade social

Matt at his 8th grade social

Until I wrote the previous sentence, I didn’t realize all that my mom had missed, but in my heart I felt her absence. Knowing my mom, she was there in spirit. But to have shared these moments with her would have been wonderful. My mom should have been there – that feeling is something I still cannot get past. My son is starting a new chapter in his life and I am so proud of him. I know my mom would be too.

Today would have been my parents 48th wedding anniversary. As I have posted before, my dad has remarried. I am happy that he is not alone and I know that this is what my mom wanted when she left us. But almost like a child, I wish my parents were still together. They would be if pancreatic cancer had not taken my mom from us. My dad wears the same pancreatic cancer bracelet as I do in memory of my mom. He also wears her wedding band on his pinky. Death tore them apart, but one day they will be reunited in Heaven.

My parents were college sweethearts. They met at a dance in February 1961. My dad once told me that he felt lucky to have met my mom, as she was visiting his college. He had been studying in his room and decided to check out the dance. There he met his wife, his soulmate, and they were together since that day.

My mom and dad (college years)

My mom and dad (college years)

I know I cannot focus on the past. I know I cannot bring my mom back. But I can remember the special love that my parents shared and honor the day that they became husband and wife.

Mom and Dad - wedding day

Mom and Dad – wedding day


  1. Great post Kathy,
    Thank you for posting the pictures too, they make a lovely couple 😉
    love n hugs

    • Thanks Nick. My parents were a great couple. You could see the true love between them. Take care.

  2. Your mom would be happy to know you are living in the present and being there for your kids.
    Great photos !!

    • Thanks Denise. It took awhile to move from the past to the present and to be fully here. Take care.

  3. Like you, I think of mom every day. I saw some flowers this morning and thought how mom would have liked to see them too as they were unusual. We used to walk in her neighborhood when I visited and comment on the gardens that we saw. Those memories make us who we are.

    • My mom loved flowers. She would take walks with my kids and they would come back with leaves, pine cones, rocks, sticks, etc. Thanks for sharing your memory. Take care.

  4. Having good memories from a good family is a blessing that many don’t have. Like yourself, I’m grateful that my family’s past is still a positive part of my life – it doesn’t haunt me – it hugs me.

    • What a great way of looking at your family. We did so much as a family when I was growing up and with my kids when my mom was alive. I miss the way things were, not just for myself but for my kids too. The only thing that haunts me is my mom’s illness. All the rest are good memories. Take care.

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