Posted by: Kathy | September 15, 2015

This Time of Year

I love the Fall. The intense summer heat fades into cooler days and even cooler nights. To breathe in this air makes me feel alive. Soon the green leaves will begin to change into beautiful shades of oranges, reds, and yellows. This is my favorite time of year in terms of seasons, but it is one of the hardest in terms of my feelings.

This time of year marks the beginning of the last 2 months of my mom’s life. Seven years ago this coming Thursday we celebrated my mom’s last birthday, then we participated in our last corn maze as a family and shared our last Halloween together. These are the “big things,” but there are many other little memories of these days that live in my heart and mind. I remember my mom with love. I remember my mom with sadness of all that was lost. I remember my mom with the wish that she were still with us.

Each September since my mom died, I have participated in the Lehigh Valley Pancreatic Cancer Walk with different members of my family. The walk this year is this coming Sunday. I feel honored to walk in memory of my mom and others who have fought against pancreatic cancer or are still fighting this disease. Hundreds of people of all ages participate in this walk, many wearing shirts with more than one family member who lost the battle to pancreatic cancer. The first year we walked, I met a pancreatic cancer survivor. Each year the sight of my mom’s picture on The Wall of Remembrance brings tears to my eyes.

There are times when I miss my mom more than others. This is one of them. I can’t help thinking about how life would be if she were alive. I can’t help thinking how different things would be if my mom hadn’t died of pancreatic cancer. I can’t help feeling how much better certain parts of life would be if my mom were still part of it. I can’t help wishing my mom were still here with me.

 

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