A Quote of My Heart

The day 5 assignment for Writing 101 is hook ’em with a quote. This was a difficult decision for me. I am not a quote person. I read quotes. I like them, but then they slip from my mind. There is only one quote I remember and can recite by heart. So the question I wrestled with is do I use the only quote I know by heart, the quote that has remained in my heart for almost 7 years, or choose something different, something new that speaks to me? After much thought and sleeping on it, I decided to use the quote of my heart.

“To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.”

This quote by Thomas Campbell was sent to me almost 7 years ago by a coworker. On November 16, 2008, I lost my mom to pancreatic cancer. The day before her death, my son achieved his black belt in TaeKwonDo. I believe my mom was waiting for this before she let go. As with many people these days, my emails come to my cell phone. I had shared with my coworkers a “proud mom moment,” and it was – after more than 6 grueling hours my son received his black belt at the age of 9. The next day everyone was responding to the email about my son’s accomplishment. The CEO of my company, who was so kind and understanding throughout my mom’s illness, responded to my email. I was sitting in my childhood bedroom as I read his words of congratulations. I couldn’t process anything, so I went to my room to be alone. My mom had just died. He was the first person I told. A few hours later he sent out an email to the staff regarding my loss. The support I received was amazing. Among the emails was this quote.

The quote touched my heart. I used it in my mom’s eulogy, and it has stayed with me all these years. It is truly the only quote I can remember, and I have shared it with many people who have lost loved ones.

My mom is gone physically from this earth, but she lives in the hearts of those who loved her most. Those memories of my heart are the ones I share with my kids, to keep the promise I made to my mom, to keep her memory alive for them. Those memories of my heart are the ones that help me sleep or keep me awake at night. They bring me happiness or a waterfall of tears. Those memories are my mom, the never-ending love she gave to me. A piece of my mom will always live in my heart and that is why this quote means so much to me.

I am in tears as I write this because even after 7 years I miss my mom. I miss the little things she did for me. She was a constant presence in my life, more than I ever realized. Her death created an emptiness that echoed with grief and sadness. It is an emptiness that can’t be filled. True loss.

My dad got a memory leaf for my mom, his soulmate of 36 years. It sits on a tree in the cancer ward of the new hospital that replaced the one my mom spent time in. This leaf bears the quote of my heart.