Posted by: Kathy | November 16, 2015

Day 11: If We Were Having Coffee Right Now…

The day 11 assignment for Writing 101 is to update your readers over a cup of coffee. Today is a difficult day for me, but if I were to have coffee with a friend it would be one of my closest friends. A friend who would understand that grief stays with you, even after 7 years.

If we were having coffee right now…
I would tell you that today is the 7 year anniversary of my mom’s death.

If we were having coffee right now…
I would tell you how much I still miss my mom and wish she were here with us, although this is something you already know.

If we were having coffee right now…
I would tell you how my dad and I went to the cemetery yesterday and planted winter cabbages for my mom, grandparents, and great-grandparents, and show you pictures of the new plantings. I would then tell you how we both released a balloon in memory of my mom and watched them fly away until we couldn’t see them anymore.

If we were having coffee right now…
You may think I was sad, and you’re right. My feelings flip-flop back and forth between sadness and not feeling anything at all. Not feeling is my way of protecting myself. It’s an unconscious decision to go into this state, as I may not want to show anyone how sad I am.

If we were having coffee right now…
I would tell you not to worry about me, that I have truly healed, and I will pop out of this mood. Today is difficult for me, but there are better days in the near future.

If we were having coffee right now…
I would want to tell you a funny story about my mom or my kids to lift the mood. I don’t want to be seen as a downer, especially by you, my friend. I know in my heart you’d understand that even after 7 years the loss is still there.

If we were having coffee right now…
I would open my heart to you and tell you how I don’t want to go through another Thanksgiving and Christmas without my mom. She made these holidays so special. Now I keep her traditions alive for my children, but it’s just not the same and never will be.

If we were having coffee right now…
I would tell you how my daughter wants to go to the park after school today and release balloons in memory of my mom.

If we were having coffee right now…
I would tell you that I am scared of losing my son too. His choice to go into the military makes me so proud. But the state of the world today is frightening and unstable, and I have a feeling he will end up in a place of action and danger as he serves his country.

If we were having coffee right now…
I would thank you for spending time with me on this difficult day and listening to me ramble about anything and everything that fills my heart and mind. I would thank you for always being a true friend.



  1. Kathy: that was lovely what you wrote. if we were having coffee together today I would give you a super big hug and tell you that everything’s going to be fine. I would offer you a Kleenex and try to cheer you up. Take good care.- Quiche

    • Thank you so much.

  2. Exactly what I would say too. I flip flop between being sad and not feeling. Thank goodness for being able not to feel though, as it is truly a protection mechanism; one which I don’t think I could have survived these last nearly two years without.

    • I agree. I learned the defense mechanism of not feeling many years ago. Too bad I never mastered turning it on and off.

  3. As poet, Edna St. Vincent Millay once penned, “Time does not bring relief; you all have lied.” I’m sure you’ll be “okay,” but sorry for the hurt that won’t go away, Kathy.

    • Thank you. I’ve never heard that quote before. It’s so true.

      • I like it so much because it’s so honest.

        • My favorite quote is “To live in hearts we leave behind is not die.”

  4. Very touching post. The lost of a parent never gets easier. While time heals, anniversaries bring it all back. Sending love your way! The 27 will be the anniversary of my father’s passing, and I’m not sure I’m ready to deal with all the emotions the day brings.

    • Thank you. I will be thinking of you on the 27th. I have healed, but today I am not. Tomorrow will be better. Thanks for commenting.

  5. Kathy, I am thinking of you today. I want you to know that I think of you and your family all the time. Miss you. Xoxo

    • Thank you. I deeply appreciate it.

  6. I truly wish I were having coffee with you today!  I would give you a BIG hug (probably more than one), tell you how much I love you, and let you know…I’ll be here for you to the best of my ability. Love you my friend! God Bless! Claudia

    • I know you would my friend. I wish we lived closer. Love you too. 🙂

  7. if we were having coffee, I’d be drinking tea and listening to your remembrances. I hope tomorrow brings new smiles.

    • Thank you. I wish I was having coffee right now with you, and you your tea. It would be nice. Take care, my friend.

      • yes it would maybe someday soon 🙂

        • That would be nice.

          • After the holidays let’s talk about setting something up.

  8. Your son is so strong for choosing that career life choice .he will be okay his grandmother will be protecting him.

    • Yes, my son is strong. He wants to serve his country. I know he will have many watching over him from above.

      • Yes his strength will guide him through this

        • I agree. As a mom, I can’t help but worry. But my son is very strong.

  9. Time heals all and your strength loves witching your children and family your mom is very proud of u and is smiling down at you.

    • Thanks. I do believe my mom is watching over her family.

  10. Sorry to hear about your loss. She sounds like she was a wonderful person.
    Please don’t worry about your son so much. I know you are a mother and this may come across as empty advice. But what has to happen will happen. Dangers lurk right round the corner, just that we don’t take them so seriously as we do when someone wants to join the army.
    Please post the pics of the winter cabbages. 🙂

    • My mom was a wonderful person. I know that whatever happens to my son in not in my hands. Thanks for commenting.

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